Image Credit: Channel 10
Another week, another episode of The Bachelor Australia is upon us people and the promos for tonight's episode have caused quite a stir, featuring Matty dramatically stopping a rose ceremony, the first time EVER on The Bachelor Australia.
Here's a SPOILER ALERT. Someone still goes home. 99% of the girls will go home. One girl will win. They'll live happily ever after, on average, potentially for about 10 months. The End.
But i'll get to Matty's dramatic rose ceremony stoppage a little later.
Tonight's episode begins with the girls talking about Scotland. I don't know why. It has to do with Scotland. It's a clue. Matty's date card says "I feel as though we're starting to speak the same language".
It's FLO! Our cute Dutch chick who gave him a lesson last week where he looked like Harry Potter.
He decides to take her REPELLING. Righto mate. If a guy took me on a date and said "so we're going to repell down the side of a building" i'd leave. Sorry, but is this The Bachelor Australia or Survivor? What happened to a good ol' fashioned picnic. Picnic's are great.
"I look at Flo and she's terrified. I'm thinking is this too much to soon? But then, we're in this together" Matty says to camera. Mate, no.
Flo says to camera "Get out of their b!#*h. Abort mission". YES GIRL. YES. GET OUT OF THERE. She doesn't. She jumps.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the girls are fake-working out in their activewear and we OFFICIALLY have our first TEARS of the season as Cobie breaks down to camera about how she feels that Matty is on another date with another woman. Cobie honey, keep it together.
Back on the date and Flo is just killing it. They get casts made out of their hands. Holding hands. It's weird. Again, if a dude turned around and was like "so now we're going to get hand casts made to depict our embrace" i'd be like, nah, can we please just go get Maccas drive through please. Seriously.
How good's a McFlurry with Mnm's and Oreo. AMIRIGHT.
They talk about the fact that she's only been in Australia for FIVE MONTHS and completely left her family behind but she's ready for commitment and Matty accepts that. They share a cheeky pash because from this point onwards, Matty is going to pash everyone and what's happening to this show.
She get's a rose, BIG SHOCK, and back at the mansion when the girls ask if she pashed him she's like yeahhhhhh. Elora (Moana) is upset. Girl, we spoke about this. You're dating a man who is dating like 20 other women.
Osher comes back to the mansion and is like guys, no group date, only two of you are going - which means one person will get eliminated. It's between Liz and Jen. BACK STORY HERE GUYS. Liz called Jen's dress 'putrid' on the very first night, and Jen's been out to fight her to the death ever since. As soon as Jen's name is called out, she fake cries, see below:
They go and have a drink together and I check social media and basically all of Twitter wants Jen to go home. Matty asks each of them to state the worst thing about each other. This is such a romantic date, honestly. Not really, I was being sarcastic. No points for effort Matty. And -10 for achievement.
Matty and Jen have a chat, she talks about some rubbish about waking up next to the person you love and HONEY let me tell you something. Waking up next to the person you love is a lovely, beautiful, and an amazing moment. And then 6 months later, you really just want the bed to yourself because you want to stretch out and hog the crap out of it. I'm keeping it real for you.
Jen does a piece to camera and says "i have a better heart than Liz". Firstly, this is technically wrong because the human heart is configured the same way for most people and cannot technically be better than anyone else's heart in terms of goodness.
Matty then has a chat to Liz, and he's like so if we're together, when can we have a baby. And Liz is like um mi scusi. The music suddenly gets really dramatic. Liz, you're going home honey. Dramatic music means you're going home. AND NEK MINUTE, he's like "we don't have a spark" and she's like no worries mate, cheers.
Kudos to Liz for keeping it real though.
Jennifer is pretty sad that Liz went home. Not.
She goes home to the mansion, and they're literally so shocked, that half of them pass out.
Not really. She's like "Matty thinks i'm really beautiful and sensitive". I need a bucket.
ANYWAY let's move on because i'm that frustrated i'm starting to sweat.
There's a chick called Sian who i've never seen before. She's angry because Matty literally doesn't know she exists. He steals Laura away for a chat. They don't air it. Interesting. She get's a rose.
Meanwhile, Sian's have a breakdown. She's like why am I here. He doesn't like me. I don't like him. The producers get involved. THE PRODUCERS.
They're like honey go and see Matty. She goes and sees Matty. She tells him she's leaving. He's like fine, ok, i don't even know your name, but you do you. Then she's like actually i'm going to stay. And he's like that's terrific darl.
Rose ceremony time and Matty starts his usual process. At this point i realise we haven't heard from Leah and she's been playing it cool. Leah we miss you, please come back cray-cray tomorrow. Matty starts to look nervous and then completely freaks out and then THEY CUT TO A BLACK SCREEN WHICH SAYS TO BE CONTINUED.
TO BE CONTINUED. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CHANNEL 10.
THIS IS NOT NETFLIX GUYS.
I'm logging off. Until next time guys, unless Channel 10 decide to continue pulling this cheeky stunt.