Image Credit: Channel 10
Welcome to another week of The Bachelor Australia ladies and gentlemen! A couple of minutes late, as we were treated to a lovely dice-stacking world record challenge on The Project and left COMPLETELY baffled but ANYWHO here we GO!
Totally did not realise this but there's a BRIDGE over the pool in the mansion. Did anyone else pick this up? Mind blown.
Osher walks in to the mansion with a date card and the girls literally faint with delight. Every time. Seriously, I can't. Laura gets the single date and Australia starts to cheer because we like her, right?
GUYS this date is on a boat. Officially at boat #2 for the season.
They say boat about 15 times in a matter of 5 seconds. "Is that our boat?" Laura asks, pointing to a big boat. "That's our boat" Matty replies. "That's a big boat" Laura says. "It certainly is" Matty replies. "This is a great boat" Laura says in a piece to camera. Ok. Producers, if you feature another boat in this season, you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and get your act together regarding content ideas.
They talk about how many times they've been in love and other small bits of chit chat.
As part of their date, they're going to draw each other like Jack drew Rose like one of his French girls in Titanic - but sans the comfy chair, the big diamond necklace, and the nudity. So basically they're just drawing each other.
Matty chose this because Laura is 'creative' and 'arty'. If I was on this show, Matty would basically be feeding me Nutella on our first date because of my 'foody' side.
"You have incredible features" Matty coos at Laura as they begin to draw. She faints. Not really. But she asks him to marry her. Ok, not really. But goodness me this date is so intense. They literally have to stare at each other. "The more I look at her, the more I realise she's completely beautiful" Matty says to camera. It's all too much for my ovaries.
At this point, I start to realise there's a bit of resemblance between Laura and Georgia Love. Thoughts?
ANYWAY. There's soppy piano music playing and it's all too much. I think Matty is falling in love. I'm falling in love to be honest. Laura's just awesome. Husband meanwhile, is impressed with her drawing skills. She can draw, her drawing is cute. Matty on the other hand:
LOL mate. They move onto a couch to enjoy wine and nibblies AND OMG GUYS THE KISS IS COMING. THE KISS IS COMING. NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT: THE KISS IS COMING. They are literally just staring at each other.
Matty is literally speechless. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, I think he's just eaten spaghetti and HE GOES FOR IT. Kiss goes for about a year. Truly worth it.
Just gonna take a moment to compose myself.
We cut to a group date and it's AMAZING because the girls LITERALLY HAVE TO FIGHT EACH OTHER. NOT JOKING. They go back to olden day England and their first challenge is to catch a piglet. THEY HAVE TO CATCH A PIGLET. I actually feel bad for the pigs. Why get the pigs involved. Poor little piggies. "Leah is quite the piglet catcher" Matty says amusingly. LOL. Valid.
The next challenge the girls must compete in, is a game of Quoits. I had to google the spelling of that, seriously. Not just quoits, but sack racing and then playing quoits at the same time. Lisa's killing it. We like Lisa guys. "It was literally exhausting, I have sweat from my neck down to my back and crack" Lisa says. That's our girl.
The final challenge is a good ol' fashioned soccer game and i'm over it guys, not going to lie. Last season they made the girls dress up in sumo suits. That's television people. They could have at least made the girls joust on horses to the death. Just saying. But one of the girls says GAME ON MOLES. Isn't that precious!!
Here's a history lesson for you guys. The iconic Aussie phrase 'Game on moles' originated back on Australian Big Brother in 2006 when contestant Anna said it. Since then, it's become an affectionate term to describe someone you don't like.
Later that evening at the banquet, Leah started talking about her 'mother's instinct'. At this point I threw my cookies and cream ice cream tub at the TV. Husband's yelling at me now, but SERIOUSLY. MOTHER'S INSTINCT. My Lean Cuisine has more mother's instinct mate. Leah and Matty get a bit of alone time, and it's SO obvious Matty doesn't want a bar of her.
She talks about her background, how her mum's a nurse, and as a result, she cares too much. Again, I have a pair of really comfy slippers that probably care more.
Prob more realistic version of her background:
Rose ceremony time and BIG SHOCK Leah gets a rose because at this point, all the other girls are pretty normal and producers need something to continue teasing us with, to ensure we watch. Meanwhile where are the rest of the girls? I'm confused.
In the end, the gymnastic girl who danced in with ribbons on the first night. Sigh. I think her name was Aqualina or Aqualeena or something.
ANYWAY. Another thrilling episode. Until next time folks!