Real Girl Recap: Cream Pies In The Face And Horses

#TheBachelorAU: Episode 4

Real Girl Recap: Cream Pies In The Face And Horses

Image Credit: Channel 10

Happy Episode 4 of The Bachelor Australia people. How cute are Osher's little recaps. So much alliteration. What's a "Bachelor board game" anyway. I especially love "chaos at the cocktail party". So dramatic. Any who. 

We begin with a standard voice over from Matty talking about how one of the ladies has really stood out and wants to get to know her better. Mate, all the ladies stand out. Newsflash here guys, Matty was a part of a pony club. He loves horses. They completely BYPASS the date card moment where the girls pass out, and Cobie is picked to go on the horse date. 

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Cut to a shot of Matty riding in topless, in slow motion on a horse. Not really. But he rides in, Cobie's all like JUST TAKE ME NOW. 

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Like fair enough. Cobie hasn't ridden a horse before. She's wearing a cute neck tie though.

They go for a ride and then take the horses back to the stable to wash them. Matty, what kind of date is this mate. What's going on. You're making the girl wash a horse? I don't have time. They start to have a water fight, because, standard. 

Back at the house, the other girls are discussion what Matty and Cobie are potentially up to. Some of the girls reckon she's been friend-zoned (any guesses who said that? *COUGH LEAH COUGH*). Another girl says they're probably having a great time. Jennifer starts talking about her sex appeal and how it's so natural. At this point i'm choking on my chicken burrito.

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Back on the date, and i'm just falling asleep. Like no offence Cobie and Matty, but where's the chemistry. I just don't feel it. Look, i'm super glad they're not on a boat. She reads out a poem to him or something, like it was ok. Nothing special. 

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I mean i can write poetry too. Roses are red, so is bacon, poems are hard, bacon.

See? Easy.

Anyway, he kisses her because I feel as though he feels as though he needed to. Does that make sense? At this point Husband says "So is he going to kiss everyone then?". That's valid Husband. That's valid. 

Anyway, the following day Matty rocks up to the mansion and Jennifer's like OMG OUR BOYFRIEND. No honey. Not your boyfriend. Never gonna be your boyfriend. Sorry, but not sorry. 

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Matty and Osher take the girls to the backyard for this povo group date to play a 'Bachelor Board Game".

They must roll the dice, if they land on Matty's head he asks a question. If they land on a rose, Osher asks them a question. If they get it right they progress. Wrong, the move backwards etc. I think there could have been budget issues for this one, given all the recent drama for Chanel 10. Anything is better then chasing more piggies though like they did in last night's episode.

Alix is like "i'm so competitive, bring it on". GIRL, IT'S A BOARD GAME. But then again, also me when I start losing at Monopoly:

The BEST part however is when Simone lands on a square and she has to banana cream pie a girl in the face. IN THE FACE. She picks Liz. LOL. Let's just be thankful she didn't pick Jen because then this episode would probably have gone until 11pm.

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Leah's like "this is the best game ever". There is SO many things i'd like to say here, but for the sake of keeping things PG rated, I shall resist. 

Florence is literally getting all these answers correct about Matty. Matty's like "i'm so impressed". I'm really impressed with how awesome my desert is. Cookies and cream ice cream with extra oreo's. Like it makes me proud to be Australian. 

Another highlight, although quick - Leah got a pie to the face as well. You're welcome.

And then Jen was picked to get a pie to the face and she's told "It's ok Jen, you look good without make up" and Jen responds "yeah I know I look good without makeup". 

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Fast forward to the cocktail party and Cobie feels uneasy going into the cocktail party even though she has a rose. She feels uneasy because she had an opportunity to kiss him earlier in the stupid board game and didn't, to respect the feelings of the other girls. As a result, she feels as though she's offended Matty, and at this point, I'm also offended. 

Florence grabs Matty for a Dutch history lesson. She dresses him up like Harry Potter. YER A WIZARD MATTY ok wrong movie. 

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Leah comes in to tell Cobie that she's cutting a lot of the other girls grass, and Cobie's like NO GO AWAY. She then breathes fire. Everyone panics. 

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But then Leah goes to the girls and completely talks up the situation and Laura jumps in and tells her to calm her farm. I'm all about women supporting other women. All about it. Twisting things aren't cool. But at this point i'm worried someone is going to die this season, like there will be a fight to the death. Or someone will have their protein shake spiked. Or glue mixed into their foundation or something. Like it's going to happen. 

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I've got a headache. 

What is Matty honestly thinking, watching all of this unfold? 

Rose ceremony time - and a woman I had NEVER seen before was sent home. I don't even know her name. Peace be with your hun. Till next time! 

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