It’s so exciting, the arrival of a new squishy, red, scream-y, shits-all-the-time, cock-blocking baby. You’ve wanted this baby for so long (or since you found out the pulling-out method is not full proof) and now they’re here! Hurrah! How exciting! As brand-spanking new parents you have no freaking clue what you’re doing, which is normal and all part of the New Parent Experience. But probably what you weren’t expecting (whilst you were balls-deep in the love bubble) was how much your relationship will be tested and how often you’ll think about wanting to throw something at your significant other.
This is ALSO normal and to be expected because, duh- your world has changed A LOT. Your highest priority has always been each other, but once that baby is no longer womb-bound that all changes. As soon as you look into the eyes of that little swollen-faced bastard you realise that you love nothing as much as you love that face. And that face will continue to emotionally blackmail you from now until forever. Which also means that the person who helped you make that face will probably take a back seat in your list of priorities.
Relationship issues are pah-rettyyy normal post-baby. And it’s nice to know that everybody has wanted to throw something at his/her partner at one stage or another. Because it’s an adjustment- a bloody ripper of an adjustment! There’s more financial pressure, less ‘chill time’, almost zero ‘you-time’, sex becomes a luxury (because baby in bed/tired as hell/PTSD from birth etc…), date nights become more of a three-times-a-year type thing and each person involved feels as though the other person doesn’t understand how they’re feeling.
Yeah, the last one is a biggy. Whoever is in the ‘providing’ position feels this immense pressure to keep the family afloat financially, which is stressful as hell! (I can only assume, because I did more of the stay-at-home-Mum thing). And whoever is stuck at home with this new baby is confused, sleep-deprived, hormonally imbalanced, sometimes sad for no reason, going on coffee-dates just to get out of the house, feeding (the baby) about 90% of the day and probably feeling like all those parenting books they read can go suck a fat one.
Everybody involved feels like THEY have it the hardest. This can cause some seriously creative passive aggressive comments (this is one of my favourite forms of communication). Which is hilarious in hindsight but can cause A TEENSY BIT of tension at the time. The good news is that it can be the best thing in the world for your relationship because you communicate and grow together even more. BUT it’s still hard as heck at the time.
I invited my sister-in-law to come into the studio so we could chat about those post-baby relationship hardships. Full disclosure, the conversation took a bit of a wild turn and at some point somebody (maybe me) began comparing post-baby vaginas to the thing that dangles off a turkey neck. I’m not saying IT DID happen, but it may have. Either way, have a listen and find out just how much of a turn the chinwag took.