I really want to be someone who can meditate. I have been to some classes and I have the apps but I just can’t do it.
They say “clear your mind and relax” and it’s like my brain goes… “think every thought you have ever had and tense bitch”.
It just doesn’t work for me. I’m too much of a stressy anxious mess to do it. (Which is exactly why I need to do it.)
Here are some thoughts I have had whilst attempting to meditate:
- How long am I into this?
- I'm bored.
- You're doing this, you're actually doing something you said you would do.
- What time is it?
- What should I have for dinner?
- Am I doing this right?
- I'm so zen, I can’t wait to tell people I meditate now.
- This guy's voice is weird. Is he British or just pretentious?
- I'm gonna do this everyday.
- My back hurts.
- This is the worst. I never want to do this again.
- Is this how I breathe?
- Am I breathing properly?
- I have forgotten how to breathe.
- Is this how you breathe?
- Ah now I have time to think about and relive and over analyse all the awkward things I did today.
- I think I want Subway for dinner.
- I think they have changed their cookie recipe.
- I miss Pizza Hut.
- The Pizza Hut you could dine in and it was a buffet of pizza.
- Oh they had a dessert bar there too.
- How good is jelly?
- I haven’t had jelly in ages.
- I wonder what my boss thinks of me?
- Should I get a fringe?
- I want to get teeth whitening.
- Have I done this long enough?
- Ah I’m 1 minute and 13 seconds in.
Tanya Hennessy hosts Weekend Breakfast across the Hit Network every Saturday and Sunday.