Heidi Has A Strong Message For ‘Mummy-Shamers’ And Why They Need To Stop
"Everyone is trying to do their best."
Although the term ‘mummy-shaming’ comes up a lot more these days, the sad reality is that the actual act of shaming mothers for how they choose to parent isn’t anything new.
This morning, our very own Heidi Anderson penned an article for Perth Now about why mummy-shaming is never okay.
As someone in the public eye, Heidi receives many messages on social media about her pregnancy; both positive and negative.
“I’m all for advice, but we need to think about how we deliver it,” she writes.
“Please think before you send a message on social media or lend your opinion to a friend or stranger in mothers group, because everyone is trying to do their best during an extremely vulnerable and sensitive time.”
After posting to her Instagram Story about a gift-box she received with goodies for the baby, Heidi was inundated with messages and opinions surrounding one item in the box - the book ‘Save Our Sleep’.
“Didn’t that book open up the flood gates… I had 100s of negative messages from people saying things like, ‘anyone who reads that book and has their baby on a routine is a bad mum,’ and ‘don’t read that book, it’s the devil!’ and ‘sh**ty parents read that.’
“One message in particular made me so mad and upset: ‘If they choose ‘me’ time over the babies needs, they’re sh*t parents.’
“If we want to read a book and we take advice from it, that is our business. Not one child is the same. What works for you and your kids might not work for us.”
Heidi then shared a few stories (just some from millions around the world) from other mothers who have experienced different types of shaming.
“Tahlia was shamed about breastfeeding by a friend after having some issues. She is a mother of one and was told that her baby would get sick if she stopped. Her friend said breastfeeding was the ‘natural’ and ‘best’ way to feed the baby, that she needed to push through and that stopping would hinder any bond with her child.”
Seriously.
“I asked Tahlia how her friend made her feel: ‘Like CRAP. Like what I was doing wasn’t right, like they knew what was best for me, and or my baby better than myself or my obstetrician. I also felt like I couldn’t even talk to my friends for support when I needed it because she only ever told me what to do and made me feel guilty.’”
Another mum was reduced to tears just trying to feed her baby!
“Chelsea experienced mum-shaming when she was buying formula for her son. After weeks of trying to breastfeed with no luck she was at her wits end, ‘I had already done my research and decided on Bellamy’s organic formula and as I reached for the tin, feeling completely defeated, another mum walked straight behind me and said ‘how selfish can you be, that’s your baby, don’t you know that breast is best’.
“‘I couldn’t believe it, I burst into tears in the aisle, grabbed the formula and ran out of there as quick as I could.’”
If you’re experiencing the same fears and guilt these women were made to feel, Chelsea offers the following advice:
“Find your mum tribe, love them hard. They will be the ones who will bring you back up when you’ve been knocked down.
“Talk about it. Don’t join every mums’ group on Facebook, find a couple that align with your parenting style and stick to those. Love yourself, know you are doing the best for your family, and tell yourself that daily!”
Ultimately, Heidi says this judgement needs to stop.
“Remember to be kind because you never know what anyone else is going through.
“Think before you speak or offer your expert opinion. If you’ve been a mother yourself, then you know how hard it can be.
“We are all just trying to do the best we can, so be supportive and stop with the shame and judgment, the world would be a boring place if we all parented the same and had the same opinions."
Have you experienced mummy-shaming? What advice would you give to other parents struggling with judgment?
Let us know in our Facebook comments!
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