WHEN SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENS AT THE MASSAGE PARLOUR

By Tanya Hennessy

I have had some bizarre experiences at massage parlours.

There is something about nudity combined with rubbing that just makes for awkwardness.

I’m sure we’ve all had something strange happen to us in the massage room.

So I was in Bali last week –  it was great (except for a flight delay and an experience I had in a day spa).

Because massages are like $7 for an hour – I lived in the massage parlours on the streets of Kuta and Seminyak.

I got so many. Too many.

On my last day I thought I would try a scrub at a fancy day spa - recommended to me by a friend. Instead of the $7 it was $40 for 40 minutes of scrubby goodness.

On the outside of this spa it was beautiful. Rock pools, white everywhere, flowing sheer white curtains. Bliss. One of those places that just looked and felt expensive. I felt like I was a fancy lady.

But when I got to the room to get my body scrub it was like the set of Saw. 

It was a dark cement room. In the centre, a cement table. It was wet, the floor was saturated, I couldn’t see anything. Torture and dungeon came to mind.

The beauty therapist asked me to lie nude on the table. With only a Paper g-string on. I was too chubby so it broke (confronting).

Then the scrub started. I was lying on my stomach at this point on a wet cement table.

She starts with my legs, arms then back.

I get the tap on the shoulder.. “Missus can you turn around?”

Oh god.

Now I’m on my back. She starts scrubbing the front of my legs, my arms, neck, stomach, neck and boobs.  

Annnnnd I’m uncomfortable.

I smiled. Whilst she is scrubbing my boobs, I smiled. Cause I was so awkward and uncomfortable and I think the smile read to her as “she is loving this,” she continued the boobs for 20 minutes.

Just so you’re aware. It was a 45 minute scrub, and 20 mins were spent solely on my boobs.

I thought she was going to scrub my boobs off. 

All I could think was “when will this end!?”

Once it ended and I paid I couldn’t help but think, firstly, “shit my boobs are red” and secondly “I got more intimate with this beauty therapist than my boyfriend this holiday.”

(Sorry boyfriend, I wasn’t in the mood.)