I’m 33 and I don’t have kids. However, all my friends do. Which means I get to be “Aunty Tanya”. I get all the perks and none of the responsibilities!
Having so many friends with kids makes me acutely aware that my parent friends are magic. Seriously. I’ve conclusively decided parents are magicians. Parents have skills they don’t even know they have and it’s brilliant.
Don’t believe me?
Firstly - Parents are language wizards that can translate what their kids are saying.
I hear babies say “yendudn727373hujkkkllllm990” and their parents are like “Oh, okay… you want a small cheesecake, your Frozen colouring book, a back rub and a sausage”.
HOW CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?! It’s literally gibberish.
They can do multiple things whilst on the toilet.
I’ve seen my friends with kids, text, yell their husband a recipe and nurse one kid and help the other one open a doll. ON THE TOILET. I can barely do one thing on the toilet - but I’m seeing a doctor for that.
They can tell by their child’s face if they need to poo or wee.
You’ll be mid chat at lunch and out of the blue they will look at their kid and say, “You need to poo don’t you?” Or if their kid is in a nappy they look at them and say, “You’re pooing right now. Good on you.”
HOW DO THEY KNOW?! #parentmagic
They know what their kids are gonna do before they do it.
“Don’t lick that cat!”
“I can see you wanna put your hand in the toaster. No!”
“Don't even think about putting that laptop in the bath.”
Even the kids are surprised their parents know their plans... you can see them be like, “How did they know I was gunna write my name on the wall with my own poo!?”
They can tell if their kid needs a nap or needs to sleep even if the kid doesn’t.
I’m 33 and my mother still knows.
And the most magic thing is - parents are happy with gifts that cost you nothing.
I’ve learnt that if my parent friends have a birthday coming up for a gift I just say, “Wanna have a shower alone?” or “You wanna half hour nap?” or “Wanna go to the toilet alone? Want a night out with your partner? I’ll watch your kids.” They’ll basically open mouth kiss you. It’s the best, cheapest and most appreciated gift ever.
Try giving that gift to your friends without kids, they’re like nah I would rather that $300 bag I tagged you in on Instagram.
In all seriousness. Parents I salute you and your magic does not go unnoticed!
Don't miss Weekend Breakfast with Dylan, Tanya and Angus on Saturday and Sunday mornings across the Hit Network! Follow the show on Facebook and Instagram and listen on the Hit app for iOS and Android.