It’ been a whirlwind last two years for Ariana Grande who has experienced the biggest highs of her career, while also living through horrors in her personal life.
After 23 fans were killed in a terrorist attack after her Manchester concert in 2017, Ariana split with her longtime boyfriend Mac Miller, became engaged to comedian Pete Davidson, grieved over the death of Mac Miller and consequently split with Pete.
It’s a series of events that Ari has spoken little about in person, but acknowledged fully in her last two albums, Sweetener and Thank U, Next.
Now, in a very open interview with Vogue, Ariana has commented on the events that have consumed her personal life and career these past few years.
On experienced grief and growth:
“I’m a person who’s been through a lot and doesn’t know what to say about any of it to myself, let alone the world. I see myself onstage as this perfectly polished, great-at-my-job entertainer, and then in situations like this I’m just this little basket-case puddle of figuring it out.
“I have to be the luckiest girl in the world, and the unluckiest, for sure.
“I’m walking this fine line between healing myself and not letting the things that I’ve gone through be picked at before I’m ready, and also celebrating the beautiful things that have happened in my life and not feeling scared that they’ll be taken away from me because trauma tells me that they will be, you know what I mean?”
Speaking about the Manchester attack, Ariana said “It’s not my trauma, It’s those families.”
“It’s their losses, and so it’s hard to just let it all out without thinking about them reading this and reopening the memory for them.
“I’m proud that we were able to raise a lot of money with the intention of giving people a feeling of love or unity, but at the end of the day, it didn’t bring anyone back.
“Everyone was like, Wow, look at this amazing thing, and I was like, What the f*** are you guys talking about? We did the best we could, but on a totally real level we did nothing. I’m sorry. I have a lot to say that could probably help people that I do want to share, but I have a lot that I still need to process myself and will probably never be ready to talk about.
“For a long time I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything, because I didn’t want to think about anything. I kind of just wanted to bury myself in work and not focus on the real stuff, because I couldn’t believe it was real. I loved going back into the studio with Pharrell because he just has this magical outlook on everything. He truly believes that the light is coming. And I’m like, Bruh, is it, though?”
Conversation later shifted to her relationship with Mac Miller.
After the pair broke up, Miller was arrested for drunk driving, with one Twitter user citing the dumping from Ariana as the cause. The singer defended herself, replying: “shaming and blaming a woman for a man’s inability to keep his shit together is a very major problem. let’s please stop doing that.”
Speaking about the incident, Ariana said:
“People don’t see any of the real stuff that happens, so they are loud about what they think happened.
“They didn’t see the years of work and fighting and trying, or the love and exhaustion. That tweet came from a place of complete defeat, and you have no idea how many times I warned him that that would happen and fought that fight, for how many years of our friendship, of our relationship.
“You have no idea so you’re not allowed to pull that card, because you don’t f*****g know. That’s where that came from.
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f***. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming . . . less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
She also mentioned Mac when talking about her Coachella performance.
“I never thought I’d even go to Coachella. I was always a person who never went to festivals and never went out and had fun like that.
“But the first time I went was to see Malcolm perform, and it was such an incredible experience. I went the second year as well, and I associate... heavily... it was just kind of a mindf***, processing how much has happened in such a brief period.”
Speaking briefly on Pete Davidson, Ari says the relationship was “highly unrealistic.”
“I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction. It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him. I’m like an infant when it comes to real life and this old soul, been-around-the-block-a-million-times artist. I still don’t trust myself with the life stuff.”
The 26-year-old went on to discuss her career journey from a theatre-obsessed child to Nickelodeon star and then pop-queen, and has released a new 'visual' for her song 'In My Head'
You can read the entire interview and the new video HERE.