We all love a little, or whole lotta, loving… but sometimes our partner isn’t in the same mood.
When that situation persists and it seems like they never want to be intimate with us, well, things start to get a little ugly and we begin to wonder what we’ve done wrong for them to not want us in that way anymore.
A low libido isn’t an uncommon thing, and while a lot of us struggle to come to grips with it and deal, there are some reasons for lowered libido that you and your partner might want to know, so you can understand and be on your way to that good ol’ sex life you used to have!
Physician Rachel Carlton Abrams recent wrote an article for Healthiest, explaining common reasons for why your libido starts to drop.
Rachel defines low libido as "a lack of spontaneous desire for sex, including sexual thoughts and fantasies.”
Since sex in an intimate relationship has so many positive and binding benefits, it’s important to knuckle down on the issue!
"The keys to inviting your sex drive back into your life include using your body, physically, on a regular basis. Walk, bike, hike, dance the tango, or play badminton. Be active and in your body. Eat or rest when needed. Get enough sleep; fatigue may be the number-one killer of sex drive."
Here are some reasons and ways to resolve it all!
1. STRESS and being too busy
Does being too stressed out by work or any arguments sound familiar? This might be the root cause of your low sex drive.
Sex is known to help you live longer, to decrease risks of illness, and reduce your risk of depression, among many other benefits!
While you may feel you’re too busy to ‘do the deed’ when it’s time for bed, it’s important to keep your intimate relationship alive! Even with yourself…
"The keys to inviting your sex drive back into your life include using your body, physically, on a regular basis. Walk, bike, hike, dance the tango, or play badminton. Be active and in your body. Eat or rest when needed. Get enough sleep; fatigue may be the number-one killer of sex drive.”
Try to fit sex into your ‘busy schedule’, because the less you have, the less you want…
"Libido, like many aspects of the body, has a positive feedback loop. You make time for self-pleasure and increase the number of sexual thoughts that you have, and you are more likely to want to have sex again sooner."
2. Lack Of TRUST
Rachel has explained that “Sex is just a mirror of the relationship itself.”
Often, it’s believed that your lack of drive for sex isn’t just because you’re too tired or busy, but instead because of the way your relationship is going.
Constant arguing and not trusting your partner leads to a deterioration in your sex life.
The ingredient to a happy, healthy sex life? A happy, healthy life.
If you’re not able to show trust for your partner in your relationship, both emotionally and physically, then it will affect your sex life.
Establish trust as a foundation and respect one another.
3. You Have Low Body Confidence
The media and even family upbringing often leads us to be fixed on stereotypical beauty ideals, making us VERY self-conscious.
A low self-esteem can often lead to a lowered libido, but what is important to note is that your lover just wants to love you and show you how beautiful you are to them.
4. You Have A Past Of Bad Sexual Experiences
You may have a past of bad experiences when it comes to sex, and it’s important to get help for them so they can properly heal, so you can then develop a trusting relationship with your partner and in our own sexual instincts.
Only have sex when you want to and trust in your body - your desire will rear its head when your body is ready.
5. Sex Hurts
Women can often experience pain during sex, most often due to hormonal changes of menopause.
Often, using lubricants or topical oestrogen's can help with this!
If you’re experiencing any pain during sex, you should see your GP immediately.
6. You Don’t Have Enough Testosterone
Libido is mostly affected by the availability of oestrogen and testosterone.
You might want to talk to your GP about your low libido, in case it’s due to your testosterone levels dropping!
7. Underlying Medical Issues
Lots of health issues can mess with your sex drive and cause you to ave a low libido.
Rachel recommends, "having your doctor do the following tests to see if your libido is being affected by a medical condition:
- Optimal thyroid function: TSH, free T3, free T4
- Total and free testosterone levels, or total testosterone and sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG)
- Consider other hormone testing if you are peri-menopausal, menopausal, or have stopped having menses (blood or discharge during menstruation) for unknown reasons: estradiol, progesterone, DHEA-S
- If you have pain with sex, a good gynecologic exam should be able to identify any skin conditions or infections contributing to the pain.”
8. Your Family Suppressed Sexuality
Growing up, you may have been steered away from anything to do with sex, due to religious or cultural reasons. These fears are hard to shake as an adult, but try your best to embrace your sexuality and explore it, by yourself and with your partner.
Hopefully these help you understand what’s going on a little more, but be sure to seek professional advice if your love life still isn’t bringing the two of you together!