Have you ever met a couple, or a person, that was so completely head over heels in love that it seemed like that love was legit a drug?
Well, it turns out that we can get addicted to people in the same way we can become addicted to food or alcohol.
According to Dr. Femke Buisman-Pijlman, who is an addiction researcher at the University of Adelaide, as well as author and counsellor Margaret Paul, PhD, there are 19 signs that you may be attached to your partner in an unhealthy way.
The two women spoke to Cosmopolitan to reveal the signs.
"We can get addicted to people just as we can to alcohol or food.
"It's a form of self-abandonment where you use another person to avoid responsibility for your feelings.
"When you [first] fall in love, you can feel ecstatic like with initial drug or alcohol use.
"When the thrill of new love subsides, you could be left with a psychological dependence where you think you need the other person.”
Find out the 19 signs below!
You want to be around them so much that it invades your own life
You take your partner everywhere with you, which in turn annoys your friends and family when they want to spend time alone with you.
"Addiction is not about really enjoying something, but being unable to stop something that gives some pleasures but many problems.”
You spend nearly all your money on them
Buying the occasional gift and helping out with bills is all well and good, but if you’re compulsively buying them gifts and going into debt, then you need to stop and rethink what you’re doing.
You can’t be happy without them
You need to learn to be happy by yourself, too, otherwise you become fully reliant.
Because you’re always together, you don’t do other important things
Are you skipping out on housework or seeing your family because you’re always together?
Make sure you make time for the other important things, too.
You can’t enjoy anything away from them
The only thing you enjoy is being with them
You need to have things you can enjoy for yourself, to be fulfilled in every way.
You’re not good at your job anymore, because of them
Not getting all the work you need to get done completed, because you’re texting or fretting over your partner?
Take a step back and put the phone down while you’re at work!
You desperately need their approval
Who cares if they don’t like everything you wear...
Your sex life gets in the way of the everyday things
Skipping work to do the deed or have it in the wrong pace at the wrong time? This might be a sign of unhealthy dependence.
Sex is something you use to make them love you more
Sex should never be a form of currency in a relationship. It’s a way to bring you closer together when you’re both feeling it, not something to force yourself (or your partner) into.
Without them, you feel like life would be meaningless
Love yourself first, then everything falls into place.
You start arguments just so you can get attention
Couples fight, but when we pick a fight over petty things just to get attention, the strain is felt by everyone.
You can’t control how much you want to see or talk to them
When they’re around you feel high, but you feel low when they aren’t
This screams alarm bells of addiction.
You calculate their love by their actions
When they’re at work you can’t cope
If you can’t function when they’re away, you need to learn to take control of your happiness.
You do not cope when they’re with their mates
Spending time alone makes you scared
Do you start to feel anxious at the thought of spending time without them, like when you go to bed?
You panic a LOT when you think of losing them
Ever start a fight after they bump into their ex, because you think they’re going to leave you?
Jealousy and being irrational can be a sign of over-dependence.
How to overcome a love addiction
Healthiest came up with some ideas for helping yourself to overcome an addiction to love. Here are some of them:
- Set boundaries and stick to them
- Don't ignore unhappy feelings
- Love yourself
- Always be honest
- Keep the relationship balanced
- Keep yourself healthy
- Try writing a journal about your feelings
- Don't be afraid of seeking professional help
Don’t lose yourself in a relationship.
The most magical things happens when you’re both yourselves, so help one another grow...